Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
