You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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