I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
