I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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