could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
