cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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