At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
