I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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