fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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