i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
ttyl tear gas
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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