just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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