I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
