here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
