How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
