Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
