I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
