Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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