quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
