Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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