whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
