shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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