got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
