i don't like sucking hair
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
