I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
