You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
