My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she smelled like a LAN party
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
