After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
