i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
