I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
