Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
