I just made out with a guy for $7.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
