oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
