this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
