saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
