Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
