ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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