I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
