all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
