As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
