we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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