i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
