He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
