Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
