A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This girl is more easily done than said...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
