i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
