My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
