...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
