so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
