Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
