Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
