Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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