Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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