Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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