if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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