She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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