Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
