Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
