i don't like sucking hair
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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